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View fullsize Returning to Boston to avenge my ancestors who had their beautiful tea thrown into the ocean. Sad!
View fullsize Offering a monkey-back guarantee that the shows will be good. If you bring a monkey you can take it back. Guaranteed.
View fullsize Good people of Long Island, I added a second show March 13 in Huntington. Please consider staying awake and coming to see it. I’ll reveal all the amazing guests we have lined up for the SNL 60th.
View fullsize Never been so sad about someone I never met I really loved him
View fullsize Im currently a NOGOT because I no got a Grammy, Oscar, Emmy or Tony. But I’d say there’s a below 1 percent chance that’s about to change!
View fullsize Honored to light the Empire State Building today on behalf of @answerthecallnyc and all my family members who have served in the @fdny Please consider donating even a small amount to a great organization that directly helps families who lose their l
View fullsize You know it’s going great when you’ve been to the Olympic medical tent more than any of the athletes

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